“Tales of a Scorched Coffee Pot” — Chapter 109

And it doesn’t take long before his hunch is proven correct. In no time at all, the authorities have a suspect in custody, who has taken credit for the bombing. He claims to be connected to some terrorist organization, though they believe that it’s really just a mentally unstable individual acting alone. This news has already broken and is considered an open and shut case, by the time they are all stirring to life and stumbling down to the hotel’s ground floor for breakfast.

Following this buffet, where they are once again joined at their table by Ken Douglas, each breaks off into his separate slate of activities. It’s unclear what Todd is doing all day, if anything, although it appears to fall under the all purpose rubric of “networking” — and even should they bother asking him, this is surely what he would say, or something like it, genuinely considering this to be some heavy work, indeed.

As for Edgar and Jack, their paths don’t cross a ton during this particular day. Each has his itinerary of targeted lectures to attend, and there is no overlap between any of these. Held in various smaller conference rooms on the second floor, Jack’s considerations naturally involve setting up RU Data from a hardware and wiring standpoint, while Edgar’s revolve around the database. One thing which Edgar already finds a bit bizarre and troubling is sitting through the class on ordering, during which he takes reams of notes yet is still exceptionally confused. This is because the lecturer keeps talking about what they could do for ordering product, potentially, and runs through four of the most popular options. One of these for example involves purchasing some program from yet another company, which wirelessly transmits over to the RU Data terminal on the back dock. If he’s hearing this correctly, though, is it possible that RU Data doesn’t even have their own product ordering piece in place?

He runs this by Todd, of course, when they break for lunch, but it’s not as if their bold leader here has the first clue, either. His advice is to keep taking lots of notes, um, and to remember all these questions he’s coming up with, uh, and they’ll figure this out when the moment arrives. As for Jack, his opinion seems fairly similar to Edgar’s about this operation as a whole, which is that most of this seems manageable enough, but a little wacky even on the stuff that makes sense. They should be able to switch over without a ton of difficulty, sure, although there are definitely a handful of mysteries to solve.

About the only occasion where their paths cross outside of lunch, however, occurs during a couple of shorter periods, with enough down time between classes that they can check out those POS presentations. These guys, along with a handful of other vendors, have set up display areas in this landing area of the second floor. Todd did instruct Jack and Edgar yesterday that out of these two POS options — ChekOutPro and Hupp — they need to reach a consensus and pick one of them, because this is what Wholesome Shopper Market will be using with RU Data. After standing there and listening to both teams run through their presentations, as well as playing with some dummy versions of the programs themselves, they’ve just about made up their mind, although Edgar also finds time to pick Ken Douglas’s brain as well.

“Okay, the thing about ChekOutPro is, yes, it has more features, and is a little more powerful. But…if anything goes haywire, you’ve got a real mess on your hands. We were using them at this one store I worked at,” he cackles, shaking his head to recall, “and, you know, something as simple as trying to figure out why the sale price wasn’t working for this one item, it was such a headache you’d be better off just deleting the entire batch and starting over.”

Hupp it is, then. Edgar and Jack were both leaning that way, and hearing this pretty much seals it. As far as this program is concerned, Ken advises, “it’s more work on the back end, for you, but also I think much more straightforward and reliable.” This had already been their impression, as well, so it’s nice to hear he’s on the same page. One thing Edgar isn’t crazy about is that there are certain features which will have to be created at every store, instead of pushing down from a central program. Like manager passwords, for instance, and the seemingly minor yet persistent “six pack versus single” conundrum, whereby these manufacturers insist upon giving the same UPC to both — an either/or prompt has to be created at each store for each of these, oddly enough.

But this should be manageable for the immediate future, considering they still have a whopping three stores. And anyway, according to the pair of reps present, a centralized solution for some of this stuff should be “coming soon.” So it is that, after the last of the instructional sessions has finished for the night, Wholesome Shopper Market’s three representatives meet those two from Hupp, in the ultra-professional venue of a booth at the hotel’s bar.

Over a couple of drinks here, the deal is hammered out. For some inexplicable reason, which can surely only be chalked up to outsized bravado, continually feeling bulletproof and above the law, Todd is boasting to even these Hupp dudes that, “it’s like I was just telling these guys, I don’t do shit! I really don’t!” and laughing his head off as he delivers this line. They laugh along in kind, though looking a little uncertain — at least up until they all shake hands about this agreement, and Todd tells them to email him the formal contract, that he will sign it.

Well, on one hand, it certainly is somewhat refreshing to hear a boss admit this. At least he is candid enough to do so, which is like a blast of fresh ocean air after dealing with countless Corey Brown types over the years, who considered walking around and spewing complete nonsense all day to be some kind of heroic effort. But is this a joke, and is it accurate? That’s the real question, if becoming clearer by the day. And either way, it seems apparent that those even higher up can’t really tell the difference. Nothing against Rob, but it’s pretty obvious that the likes of Corey can waltz into the sunset and still be considered timeless greats by their acting owner, that Rob would probably hand him the keys to the kingdom all over again should he ever return.

Perhaps this very trip is a terrific emblem of the disconnect in this industry, and how much fat could be trimmed away without any danger to the patient. Edgar certainly isn’t complaining, because it’s nice to be included on one of these trips finally, after all these years, and cram in some tourist activities on top of it. Some of this note-taking was probably essential, considering that RU Data is apparently not flying anyone down to train him or Jack. But…that’s just it. Shouldn’t they be flying someone down to train them, especially as this is a new client they are hoping to seduce? Sure, Wholesome Shopper Market is mighty small potatoes, but still. Todd could have negotiated that before ever signing the deal. Particularly as this trip has cost the company a pretty penny, with this Hupp meeting representing just about the last meaningful event that will occur. And they are here for another two full days.

Saturday finds the entire mob split into two separate camps for a pair of different day-long outing options — assuming someone didn’t just wish to kick it around the hotel instead, which is presumably what Ken Douglas and some of the others did. Edgar and Todd both signed up for the food tour of Manhattan, though, along with a bus full of like minded strangers, whereas Jack effectively said screw that and decided to play golf with group B, somewhere on Long Island.

As is often the case, Edgar actually finds that picking the brains of fellow attendees is as beneficial if not more than anything else this weekend has to offer. While Todd entertains himself up front, yukking it up with the bus driver and a couple other management types, Edgar’s closer to the back, conversing in much more subdued fashion with people closer to his own rank. None of these guys are working his specific job, but it’s nonetheless interesting to compare notes with, say, this trio of affable gents from somewhere in the middle of Arizona, who all work for a similarly sized chain as Wholesome Shopper Market.

The tour itself, a walking journey through a couple dozen Manhattan blocks, is certainly interesting — and the destinations themselves quite tasty — but not exactly essential or even all that informative, in any applicable sense whatsoever. He also barely converses with Todd, who still seems way more interested in “entertaining” people with endless boss jokes, and other forms of theoretical showboating, though not so much networking or brainstorming in any meaningful sense. About the only interaction he and Todd have on this gorgeous, surprisingly none too hot summer day is when they pass this statue, a piece connected with this series of modern street art exhibits throughout the land, and Edgar blurts out in startled fashion, with a laugh, that this looks just like Don Evans.

“Hey! That does look like Don!” Todd marvels, stopping to snap a picture and then text it to the guy. What makes this so comical, of course, is that this figure, though a pasty, tall, older male with crescent roll balding pattern, the hair that does exist mostly grey, is wearing nothing but a pair of tighty-whitey underwear, has his arms extended but his mouth drooping, in essence resembles nothing more than a member of the walking dead.

By the time these disparate parties wind up back at the hotel, a few theoretically decent hours remain where something of substance might be crammed in. Instead they find themselves in that same larger conference room from the first night, where a procession of existing RU Data clients get up on the stage and deliver testimonials — not so much on the software, in fact often nothing to do with the software whatsoever, and more about the state of their own businesses, what is working for them, what challenges remain. The most engaging of these by a mile is delivered by the social media slash marketing director for Jungle Jim’s, this grocery store outside of Cincinnati which is generally recognized as the largest in the world. She’s probably early middle aged, yet seems fairly hip and with it, which makes sense and is pretty much a necessity with her role. She presents a series of interesting slides, showing various promotions they have run, the photo documentation of such, alongside a humorous detour revolving around the meaning of the word turnt, which she heard her teenage daughter utter one day and felt compelled to investigate. Then began incorporating it into Jungle Jim’s marketing.

Sunday morning sees Edgar down at the breakfast buffet before any other familiar face, save Ken Douglas, who joins him at this table. “So you guys decided to go with Hupp, eh? I think you made the right call,” he offers, over the course of their pleasant, low key chat. In due time Jack and then Todd join them, as does just about every conference attendee, including a sizable contingent from RU Data itself. This is because most of the day will be eaten up by a group outing over to Oyster Bay, for some final blowout extravaganza.

Pretty much the only thing Edgar knows about Oyster Bay is that Billy Joel wrote one of his famous songs here, though unsure which and how or why. This is what he’s thinking about as they roll into town, one of two buses crammed to the gills with participants. It’s a vibrant, convivial atmosphere, equal parts due to knowing one another a little better after a few days, being genuinely somewhat excited about the destination, and relieved that they will be on their airplanes home in the morning. He and Jack were able to grab a seat together, and when not involved in group discussions with those around them, these two hold court on topics ranging from music to outdated technology to maybe a little bit about work to Rick And Morty to girls.

This latter topic surely dominates Edgar’s mind once they finally land at this high end seafood restaurant, right on the shoreline. Reserved in its entirety for the occasion, they disembark and immediately begin taking over, as the first step for many is to approach the water’s edge and begin snapping pictures. There’s an actual beach here, with tiki torches and a bar, and Connecticut visible on the other side of the water, seemingly almost close enough to swim to.

As people order a steady supply of free drinks and fire up a beach volleyball game and generally just lounge around in the sand, it’s difficult not to notice some of these women. Sure, they’ve been around for days now, but it’s some combination of everyone being dressed in more casual attire — which paradoxically just about always looks better than dressing “well” for business events — and a more relaxed atmosphere, not to mention, oh, about the first three or four glasses of good red wine. And all he can think about is it’s truly a miracle that, say, rock stars and famous actors are able to behave themselves on the road, if ever they are, when they’ve got women throwing their bodies at them. Fortunately, this is not the case for some boring old data professional such as he. Anything more than four days seems as though it might represent a challenge, however, on the behaving well front, and it’s probably a good thing they are all breaking camp tomorrow.

Otherwise, there are thankfully plenty of distractions. There’s some old school r & b band throwing down on this stage in the dinner hall, a really top notch act. Though most continue to either hang out on the beach or else the back patio, which also features its own bar, the restrooms are located in here, and it’s inevitable that they drift in every now and then to watch these cats throw down. Particularly once the food is brought out, a huge array of buffet options in shiny silver dishes, on tables lining three of the walls. During one song, company founder Rick Abernathy even gets up to blow a little saxophone with this ensemble, holding his own in impressive fashion as he does.

Once again, however, there’s maybe one meaningful conversation here, tops, and it occurs late, after night has fallen, the band has stopped playing, and pretty much everyone is shoehorned onto this back patio with a drink in hand. Jack and Edgar are hanging out with those three guys from Arizona, the best friends they’ve made during this trip outside of maybe Ken Douglas. Todd is nearby, conversing with Matt Abernathy and a couple of other random dudes, though not quite within earshot — at least not when speaking normally.

“Hey! Yo! Edgar!” he hears Todd shout at one point, late in the evening. Cranes his head in that direction, and can see his boss standing there, with one elbow bent and its attached palm tilted upward, open, in the universal gesture for what the hell? “The email addresses?”

“Huh?”

“The email addresses! You need to send Matt the vendor email addresses! He can’t set up the ordering until he has those!”

Maybe he’s emboldened by drink to some extent, although it’s difficult to imagine that Edgar wouldn’t go marching over there, to see what these guys are talking about, under any circumstances. He’s confused at first, wondering how in the world this RU Data coder guy could have missed his emails — until closing the gap, and confronting Matt Abernathy’s frozen, deer in headlights countenance in person, and realizing he’s just busted the dude in the middle of an attempted character assassination. Taking one look at this very bad actor, whose googly eyed expression reminds Edgar of the face Tim Duncan always made when a call went against him, and he understands immediately what’s been going on here. This Matt character was attempting to deflect blame by throwing him underneath this tour’s chartered bus.

“I already did send those to you. Twice!” Edgar tells him, “you and Greg!”

“Greg?” Matt replies, blinking in rapid fire fashion now, wheels furiously grinding as he plots his escape plan. Todd, apparently satisfied that he has handled this, or else just bored, ventures off to another nearby conversation. As for Edgar, he realizes within seconds that he made a mistake by mentioning this Greg character — who, come to think of it, he has not seen or heard mention of all weekend long — because it just gave his partner in crime an escape hatch.

“Yeah, Greg Talbot?”

“Yeah, um…I don’t think he’s really done much with that, uh…go ahead and send those to me again,” Matt stammers.